There's Hope. Hope for us all.

You know what drives me crazier than vegan hipsters? Fakes. Which include the vegan hipsters, so that makes sense.

Honestly, I just don't understand it. Never have, never will.  But yet there they are, all over the place. The world is full of people so ashamed of themselves, that they put up a false front to trick others into thinking that they are what they are not, what they wished they could be, what they wish that they could hide from themselves. And I want it to stop.

Really. Does it make any sense to put a front up for people who don't like the real you? WHY???  Why would you want someone to like fake you, if they wouldn't like the real you? If they don't want to spend the time to get to know the real you, why do you want to spend the time to change yourself into something you think they might like, just to get to know them? That gets confusing just typing it!  Just stop!!!

I want to get to know you. I want to know the real you. The one that has "lame" hobbies (Hello, I knit), glasses and braces (Am there, done that), insecurities (I am 23, never had a boyfriend or been kissed. Like I've never thought there might be something wrong with me.) and whatever else you feel you have to hide. We are all oddities, but that's what makes us us!

Ok, I do feel like I need to place a disclaimer on this. I am not saying let all your freakiness out all at once. All things in moderation, or you may scare away the people that would normally like you. With somethings, you just have to ease people into them. Slowly. Also, you do need to be careful with who you share yourself with. Not everyone wants you to do well. Many of them will use your differences against you and try to bring you down. Mainly, you need to be ok with who you are! Be confident that you are all things awesome, that your ceramic unicorn collection is super cool, and you may just convince some of them! If you can't do that though, you need to figure out a way to realize your awesomeness, because it's there.

I want you to see yourself the way that God sees you. I'm not gonna say see yourself  how I see you, because I may very well think you are an idiot. But that doesn't matter! I'm an idiot!  So look at yourself through the eyes of God. Do you know what He sees? He sees your potential. He sees His plans for you. He sees your heart. He sees His child. He sees Christ.

Shocking, huh? Especially when we know ourselves oh so well. But that is who we are. Or who we CAN be.

I'm not at all saying that you have to be everything that God knows you can be, to be real. I'm saying that you have to know who you can be, to become that person.  That, at least, is my personal launching point. If I don't know what I can be, I have no hope. Without that knowledge, I will become so bombarded with my failures, that I won't be able to pull my head up to see hope.  So that is where you start. With Hope.

With Hope, we can be vulnerable with others. We can share our heart, dreams, goals, fears, and desires with a select group, who, in return, can encourage and uplift us. Support us when we're down. Help us remember who we are, who God sees when He looks at us, of all our awesomeness. And hopefully, through our realness, we can help them as well.

There is hope for all of us. Maybe even the vegan hipsters.

...Maybe

Thanks for reading guys! It means a lot. 

I get lost in my mind...

Do you remember what you wanted to be when you were younger? Anyone? I do. I wanted to be a librarian. More than anything. I mean honestly, what could be better than reading to kids all the time? I was thrilled.  I was one of those lucky few who had figured out what they wanted to be by the age of 4.

Then I realized that you didn't get to read books all the time and actually had to do work. I was devastated. But I then moved on to many, many other things, like being a lawyer, an archaeologist, art historian, psychologist, actress, and journalist. I put aside each of those things for one reason or an other ( Though I do still hold that I would be awesome at all of those, especially archaeology. I mean, me chillin' with Indiana Jones, with the hat and whip? Oh yeah.)  It's a fantastic thing that I didn't go on to pursue any of those careers, at least so far, because if I had, I know I wouldn't be where I am now, nor would I have done some of the amazing things that God has had me do so far in my life.

But where exactly am I now? So often people ask me, "So what are you doing?" and more and more often, I'm beginning to realize that I've grown somewhat stagnant. It's not that I'm not doing anything. I have a full time job, I'm a dedicated volunteer at my church in at least two ministries, and I always have a plan to flee the country in the works. But that's just what I'm "doing." Which, while it is what they're saying, I tend to believe that they're looking for more. For your dreams, goals, inspirations, and aspirations. And those are the things I've lost sight of.

Its not that I don't have them, its just that I've lost the focus I once had. I lack the intensity, conviction, and passion for my dreams that I had once had as a child to be a librarian. The drive to accomplish what seems impossible has left. And I think I've realized why.

Secrecy. Accountability. Encouragement. I never shared my hopes of becoming world famous from acting or writing, and then using that fame as a platform to advocate for all the kids around the world in the sex trade, especially mine in Mexico. Or to just find some way to be a spokesperson for helping young people realize that waiting for the right person and marriage isn't just something that the Bible says to keep us from having fun, but to keep us from unnecessary pain and suffering. That to do so doesn't mean that you're automatically an oddity, with some drastic defect, in either the personality, or, more than likely, the looks department. To be a Missions Pastor, with a specific calling for the youth, to introduce them to cultures, customs, and people so that they can cease to be obnoxious, spoiled and self centered, so wrapped up in their own drama, that they forget that it was all taken care of on the Cross. I don't share these things with people! And its taken me forever to write this, because once I push publish, that all changes.

I can no longer get lost in my mind, with over thinking and cowardice, when it comes to my dreams. They can no longer sit on the back shelf as I wander through the life I've made. I will have to start moving forward with them. Or reconcile them as things that aren't to be. But I will have to make some decision on them. And I'm excited for that. Dreams are the things that fuel us, that keep us in motion. Without them, we are complacent, simply moving without thinking.

And I'm sick of it. So here goes nothing/everything.

Thanks for reading guys! It means a lot.

Hannah, full of Grace.

Hannah is my little sister. And, like the title says, her name means full of grace. I think when my parents named her that, they were hoping she would extend grace to all those around her. I think they may have forgotten that she may need a full amount of grace. Don't get me wrong, I LOVE LOVE LOVE my sister. She's one of my favorite people. But I was not a huge fan of the amount of grace she got growing up. From the older sister perspective, while growing up, Hannah could get away with everything! At least in my opinion. I'm sure that she thought the same of me, and she may have been right. Side note: Hannah is probably the person that has shown me the love and acceptance of God more than anyone else. This is not me at all trying to bash her. This is me reflecting on my own short comings.

If I'm being perfectly honest, I always aligned myself more with the Brother in the Prodigal Son Parable. I mean, they were killing off HIS fatted calf for his brother! (Its totally like when it was my birthday party, and Hannah got presents, but at her birthday party, did I get presents? NO! (I am totally over this by the way, but when you're 8? It was huge.)) I knew that when you were reading the parable, you were supposed to be on the little brothers side, but I always felt bad for the older one. He didn't get any recognition for any of his hard work, and his little brother got to party hardy, and come out looking best in the end.

But then, I remembered. We're all Hannah, in need of grace. We're all the Little Brother. The older brother worked,  yes, but he wasn't the one who had even built up this vast fortune. He wasn't actually entitled to anything. It was all their Fathers, who could have done anything with His fortune. And we all need more grace than we are able to extend to others, whether we're the little or older brother. And the most amazing thing, is there is no end to God's grace for us.

Its really astounding. He has had a plan to save us from the moment we started sinning. Genesis 3:21 is the first example of His plan that I've found, at least. You know, when he killed some animals to clothe them? When I see that, I see the first animal sacrifice (and a clear example of why God doesn't want us to be vegetarians). From the very beginning, He's done what He can to care for us, even when we've done our best to distance ourselves from Him.

And just so that those of you who don't know really know me, I am not at all saying that I am better than Hannah. I'm not saying that I am not in need of as much grace as she or anyone else. Really. The very fact that I align myself with the Older Brother should show you how prideful I can be. Seriously. But I'm working on it. And I'm only getting somewhere, because I'm finally realizing that I need His grace. Which is a huge hit to my pride.  But I am pretty awesome, so it shouldn't be that hard, right?

Haha, so much work left to do!

Thanks for reading guys! It means a lot.