You know those days? The ones where everything just seems to hit you at once? Where you can't seem to help but see the playlist or slideshow of all the things you've done wrong, aren't going how you planned, or are just filled with the most pathetic feelings of why would I dream of or reach for that? That's my day today. And I don't really have any answers as to why.
I'm not a sad or disappointed person. I can usually see the bright side of any situation. Not in a "I'm always cheery and have never had a dark thought ever!" kind of way. Most people think I'm rather dark and twisty, what with my black and white approach to most things in life, my sarcastic, and if I do say so myself, hilarious comebacks, or maybe its just the fact that I'm a girl whose a realist and not a romantic. And all of that maybe true, but I would consider myself to be an optimist, in general. But just not today.
And I don't really know how to deal with it. I imagine this is what it feels like to have your heart break. I've heard it talked about, but I've never really understood. No, this isn't about a guy. This is about that moment when everything around you seems to be telling you you're a fool. You'll never be good enough, smart enough, attractive enough, fast enough. You will never be enough. All those things that you've dreamed of, wanted, yearned for, prayed about, planned for, well, you don't deserve them. You won't get them. It's never going to happen. You will remain where you are. Stagnate. Dying.
I know the cliché answers that this is just the devil attacking and that he's just trying to hold me back from the amazing thing that God has in store for me, to keep pressing on! I know them. I've said them! But for whatever reason, today it's just not sinking in.
My instincts say to listen to the voice. To board up my heart. That with two nails and a board, I can almost staple my heart back together, and then continue to hide it from the world. That that way, I'll be safe. That way, I won't get hurt.
But my training tells me otherwise. My training tells me to bare all. To lay it at my Fathers feet, broken, sad and pathetic and ask Him to make it something beautiful. Something that will be enough. More than enough. Something that will take me where I'm meant to be. Far beyond where my thoughts, dreams and desires imagined I could go. And in that, I take hope.
Thanks for reading! It means so much to me. Honestly, you have no idea. Also, sorry for not posting lately! I've been on the road! But I promise more posts soon!
Friday, October 28, 2011
Friday, October 14, 2011
Benefits of Working With the Guys...
As some of you know, I have a new job at a party rental company. I love it, well, at least 90% of the time. And one of the reasons I love it is because of all the unexpected wisdom/insight I have the good fortune of overhearing from my male co-workers. So I thought I'd share what I've gleaned so far. Enjoy.
#1: "You can't fix stupid." It may not be nice, but it is honest. There is only so much you can do to help those who just don't get it. So, better to do your best to help, and then just accept the fact that some may never get that Red Carpet is Red, or that an 8 foot table is 8 feet long. It helps me to just shake my head, smile, and think, "Aw, so dumb."
#2: "If you aren't willing to do any of the things involved in being in a relationship, then why are you wanting to be in one with me?" This gem was overheard from a coworker arguing with "some needy chic." And its so true! So often I see people out there who are desperate to be in a relationship, to know that someone cares for them, that they will jump into any relationship to get it, even though they are in no way ready for a relationship. If you cannot be there to comfort, support, uplift, correct, and care for that person, but are only in it for yourself? Well, you need to grow up and realize you aren't in middle school anymore.
#3: "Wow, she was definitely trying to hide some funk!" Ladies, the fellows notice when we bath in perfume, instead of just bathe. If you must skip the shower, (which I will admit to do far to often) do not take a swim in your perfume to mask it. Also, carefully select it. You can go to counters and ask for samples. Try them out, and see which ones you get compliments on. Just because the perfume smells good doesn't mean it will smell good on you. If no one says anything about it, toss it. "Anything less than the best is a felony" in this case.
#4: "You mean the rich, wanna be stripper?" Yep, that was a real comment made about one of our customers, made by one of the men I work with. Ladies, when you wear clothes that were designed for elementary students, completely disguise yourself with pounds makeup and wigs, and talk in a "dumb girl" voice? You are putting forth the image of a stripper. And that's what people will see you as. And from the conversations I'm hearing right now, you will not like their opinion of you. Yes, I know that they should treat you like a lady, regardless of how you dress, and in my coworkers defense, they did, but in their mind you are not a lady, you are a stripper.
#5 "You will never love something so completely as you will your own child." Sometimes I like to think I already understand this, because that's how I feel about my kids in Mexico. It kills me to leave them. I would do anything to keep them all safe. It physically pains me when I know that they're in danger. But everyone with biological children seems to believe that its different when its your own, so I guess I'll find out if that ever happens. But the wisdom is this: Our generation is not for sure going to be full of dead beat parents. There are several people out there who, while a child wasn't their plan, love that kid more than anything. And I think that's wonderful and worth celebrating.
Now, I need to say something. I love my co-workers. They are wonderful. They can be some of the sweetest, most genuine, caring people I have ever met. They are funny, helpful, hard working, interesting guys. They are some of my favorite examples of random chivalry. I would trust some of them more than I would some of my "saved" friends. No, they do not always do the right thing, and I haven't a clue if any of them have met the Lord, but I love them either way and feel so blessed to work with them. Maybe sharing some of their private thoughts and conversations isn't the best way to show that, but pretty sure none of them know I blog, so I think I'm safe!
Thank you for reading! I cannot even begin to explain how shocked I am that you do. So thank you!
#1: "You can't fix stupid." It may not be nice, but it is honest. There is only so much you can do to help those who just don't get it. So, better to do your best to help, and then just accept the fact that some may never get that Red Carpet is Red, or that an 8 foot table is 8 feet long. It helps me to just shake my head, smile, and think, "Aw, so dumb."
#2: "If you aren't willing to do any of the things involved in being in a relationship, then why are you wanting to be in one with me?" This gem was overheard from a coworker arguing with "some needy chic." And its so true! So often I see people out there who are desperate to be in a relationship, to know that someone cares for them, that they will jump into any relationship to get it, even though they are in no way ready for a relationship. If you cannot be there to comfort, support, uplift, correct, and care for that person, but are only in it for yourself? Well, you need to grow up and realize you aren't in middle school anymore.
#3: "Wow, she was definitely trying to hide some funk!" Ladies, the fellows notice when we bath in perfume, instead of just bathe. If you must skip the shower, (which I will admit to do far to often) do not take a swim in your perfume to mask it. Also, carefully select it. You can go to counters and ask for samples. Try them out, and see which ones you get compliments on. Just because the perfume smells good doesn't mean it will smell good on you. If no one says anything about it, toss it. "Anything less than the best is a felony" in this case.
#4: "You mean the rich, wanna be stripper?" Yep, that was a real comment made about one of our customers, made by one of the men I work with. Ladies, when you wear clothes that were designed for elementary students, completely disguise yourself with pounds makeup and wigs, and talk in a "dumb girl" voice? You are putting forth the image of a stripper. And that's what people will see you as. And from the conversations I'm hearing right now, you will not like their opinion of you. Yes, I know that they should treat you like a lady, regardless of how you dress, and in my coworkers defense, they did, but in their mind you are not a lady, you are a stripper.
#5 "You will never love something so completely as you will your own child." Sometimes I like to think I already understand this, because that's how I feel about my kids in Mexico. It kills me to leave them. I would do anything to keep them all safe. It physically pains me when I know that they're in danger. But everyone with biological children seems to believe that its different when its your own, so I guess I'll find out if that ever happens. But the wisdom is this: Our generation is not for sure going to be full of dead beat parents. There are several people out there who, while a child wasn't their plan, love that kid more than anything. And I think that's wonderful and worth celebrating.
Now, I need to say something. I love my co-workers. They are wonderful. They can be some of the sweetest, most genuine, caring people I have ever met. They are funny, helpful, hard working, interesting guys. They are some of my favorite examples of random chivalry. I would trust some of them more than I would some of my "saved" friends. No, they do not always do the right thing, and I haven't a clue if any of them have met the Lord, but I love them either way and feel so blessed to work with them. Maybe sharing some of their private thoughts and conversations isn't the best way to show that, but pretty sure none of them know I blog, so I think I'm safe!
Thank you for reading! I cannot even begin to explain how shocked I am that you do. So thank you!
Tuesday, October 11, 2011
The Preacher, the Prophet...
The other day I had my music on shuffle, and on came this song I had never heard before. And so I did what I always do with songs that I enjoy, put it on repeat and played it till I knew the song backwards and forwards, and then played it some more. It really is a good thing that I wasn't alive during the hayday of records, because all of mine would have been worn, scratched, and every other bad thing that can happen from over-playing them.
Back to my point. There's a line in this song that just strikes a cord with me. "The Preacher, the Prophet, I've never known, but the Jesus of Prostitutes is chasing my soul."
Now let that sink in.
Which Jesus was it that made you turn around? I doubt it was the Prophet. Being told all that you're capable of can be terrifying. The Preacher may get a tad intimidating without a foundation. But the Jesus who hung out with the prostitutes and tax collectors, who called the fishermen who fought, who plays with the small children? I'm guessing He had the most impact. If you haven't met Him yet, you seriously should. He's one cool guy.
Now you may have read that, and are now thinking I'm deep in blasphemy territory. Take a deep breath and continue reading. There is a place for The Prophet, the Teacher, the Preacher, the One who Over Threw the Temple. All of them are essential, vital parts for our walk with the Lord. However, when interacting with the World, Jesus wasn't all of those people. He was the Jesus of Prostitutes. He spent time with them, defended them, told them they were worth more. My guess is that if Jesus had approached the "woman of the city," in Luke 7 as He had approached the religious money changers of the Temple in Matthew 21, she may not have been so moved to change her ways. He threw over the tables of those that were self proclaimed "righteous" and called them out. But with her? He compared her to the "righteous," and she came out on top. He forgave her sins. He told her that her faith had saved her, to have peace.
We desperately need the Prophet to enlighten us, the Teacher to teach, the Preacher to preach. We need the Over Thrower to call us out. But we have to have the Jesus of Prostitutes to bring us to that place, to sit with us and hold our hand through our correction, to keep us at peace, making sure the whole time that we know we are saved and loved. And so I have a simple question to ask you.
Thank you so much for reading. It means more than I can express.
P.S. The song is "Hawthorne" by Mat Kearney.
Back to my point. There's a line in this song that just strikes a cord with me. "The Preacher, the Prophet, I've never known, but the Jesus of Prostitutes is chasing my soul."
Now let that sink in.
Which Jesus was it that made you turn around? I doubt it was the Prophet. Being told all that you're capable of can be terrifying. The Preacher may get a tad intimidating without a foundation. But the Jesus who hung out with the prostitutes and tax collectors, who called the fishermen who fought, who plays with the small children? I'm guessing He had the most impact. If you haven't met Him yet, you seriously should. He's one cool guy.
Now you may have read that, and are now thinking I'm deep in blasphemy territory. Take a deep breath and continue reading. There is a place for The Prophet, the Teacher, the Preacher, the One who Over Threw the Temple. All of them are essential, vital parts for our walk with the Lord. However, when interacting with the World, Jesus wasn't all of those people. He was the Jesus of Prostitutes. He spent time with them, defended them, told them they were worth more. My guess is that if Jesus had approached the "woman of the city," in Luke 7 as He had approached the religious money changers of the Temple in Matthew 21, she may not have been so moved to change her ways. He threw over the tables of those that were self proclaimed "righteous" and called them out. But with her? He compared her to the "righteous," and she came out on top. He forgave her sins. He told her that her faith had saved her, to have peace.
We desperately need the Prophet to enlighten us, the Teacher to teach, the Preacher to preach. We need the Over Thrower to call us out. But we have to have the Jesus of Prostitutes to bring us to that place, to sit with us and hold our hand through our correction, to keep us at peace, making sure the whole time that we know we are saved and loved. And so I have a simple question to ask you.
Which Jesus are you portraying to the World?
Thank you so much for reading. It means more than I can express.
P.S. The song is "Hawthorne" by Mat Kearney.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)